youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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