Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
