dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
