Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
