we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
