i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
