I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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