For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
