i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
