If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
