My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
