you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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