my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
