Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
