At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
