I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
