White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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