I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
