i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
