like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
