he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
