My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
