$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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