He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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