My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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