How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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