Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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