No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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