Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize