He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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