He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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