Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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