Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
