Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
