I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His hands were made for my vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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