Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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