Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
