I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
