Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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