i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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