I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
