Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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