I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
being pregnant is like rehab
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have post one night stand depression
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