We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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