shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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