Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
