I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
