okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
