I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
