bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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