so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
