I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
