A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize