i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
