woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
