I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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