Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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