Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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