Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
