shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
