Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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