I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
