do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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