Christians are straight up FREAKS
im having a threesome with these popsicles
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
