are you still at the devil's house?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
