Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So vagazzling was a success
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
