She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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