If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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