Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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