If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
