Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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