Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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