ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
