I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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