Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I touched a dick in church today
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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