The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
