Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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