she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
