i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
