Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
