Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
